Took Dad and Susie to the park today. Dad’s dementia behaviors were slowly building up annoyance in me. He finally started doing this thing where he clicks his thumbnails together. So I asked him to stop and he asked why it bothered me. I said I hadn’t delved into the psychological aspect of that but it just did. While my mind screamed, “just stop having dementia!” Somehow that internal primal scream just put everything back into focus. And the deep breaths actually calmed me down instead of not helping at all.
I often do that internal primal scream when I get annoyed with Dad. I am not sure where it came from. I just wanted to stop reacting and making snarky or mean comments. So I would just keep my mouth shut and “aaaaarrgh!!!” in my mind. It seems to work just as well as doing it out loud. Minus the sore throat, lol. Anyway, coping mechanisms.